Now, I figured this was a good way to give a few people heart attacks. BEFORE anyone yells at me just ask me what it means.. jesus.
July, 2004
26
Jul 04
Been dazed and confused so long it’s not true.
I wanted a woman, never bargained for you.
Lots of people talking, few of them know,
Soul of a woman was created below! - Led Zep
26
Jul 04
A wall of denial – is fallin’ down
Wo it’s fallin’ so hard – down to the ground
Never knew something so strong could be washed away by tears
But this wall of denial was just built on fear
We’ve all had our demons from the garden of white lies
Dressed them amused them pullin’ wool over our eyes
Go so far as to love them to keep from letting them go
All the while they we’re killin’ us but we couldn’t let it show
No matter what the trouble we carry round inside
We’re never safe from the truth but in the truth we can survive
When this wall of denial comes tumblin’ down
Down to the ground
Simple things in life bring the greatest pleasure
A smile, a kiss, a little baby’s laughter
It makes no difference if we run away in fear
The little things in life hold us so near
No matter what the trouble we carry round inside
(we’re) never safe from the truth but in the truth we can survive
When this wall of denial comes tumblin’ down
Yeah this wall of denial must tumble down
Down to the ground- Stevie Ray Vaughan
23
Jul 04
Fuck You ALL
Feelings are raging, the blood in my veins feels like it’s on fire. I don’t know if I feel more let down, and sad… or pissed and wanting to shout out with all that my lungs can give. i’m tired of people and their stupid comments. I’m tired of feeling pain because of what I love. I’m tired of wanting to cry myself to sleep because the majority of life has it out to kill my dreams.
Tonite will be another night I find tears on my sheets, and why? Because people I thought were friends. Since I was in my early teens I have lived to do one thing. Ride. Everyone that knows me well, or hell even at all, knows I breathe to ride my bike, to wear things out just to be able to tinker with it a bit more. Tonight I was told I’m not a true biker, because before a long weekend, which includes riding tons, I dont want to be hucking myself off steps or ledges or anything for that matter.
Maybe its growing up, or maybe it’s priorties. i’m not hurting myself to impress some folks that I have no reason to impress. I dont ride to show off my shit, I ride for myself, for my heart to keep beating. Yet, tonight I was told I’m not a rider.
I dont know why this hit hard, no that’s a lie. I do. Because it came from a certain persons mouth.
My answer to that, and to any person that has to say anything to what I love and do is fuck you. When you are doing something better than most the fucking nation, and you have nothing to prove so you don’t. When you are making enough to support a family by doing that love. When you have felt the pain inside, and loved every second of it. When you have been on your bike for 5 hours, and there is still 40 more miles left in that race. Then fucking tell me I’m not a rider. When you move away from everything you know, and love. Only to be able to ride year round. Then fucking tell me I’m not a rider.
Again, why am I taking this personal. Maybe because this hole in my heart is always being triggered. Why can’t a person do something they love and not be at the end of a barrel of a shot gun full of negative comments. People lining up to take shots. And people in that line, are one’s you love.
How is one supposed to deal with that? Again I am left asking myself, am I hurt, or mad, or hell both all at the same time. Again I am left finding myself crying on my steering wheel…
As Ani always easily says.