Fuck You ALL
Feelings are raging, the blood in my veins feels like it's on fire. I don't know if I feel more let down, and sad... or pissed and wanting to shout out with all that my lungs can give. i'm tired of people and their stupid comments. I'm tired of feeling pain because of what I love. I'm tired of wanting to cry myself to sleep because the majority of life has it out to kill my dreams.
Tonite will be another night I find tears on my sheets, and why? Because people I thought were friends. Since I was in my early teens I have lived to do one thing. Ride. Everyone that knows me well, or hell even at all, knows I breathe to ride my bike, to wear things out just to be able to tinker with it a bit more. Tonight I was told I'm not a true biker, because before a long weekend, which includes riding tons, I dont want to be hucking myself off steps or ledges or anything for that matter.
Maybe its growing up, or maybe it's priorties. i'm not hurting myself to impress some folks that I have no reason to impress. I dont ride to show off my shit, I ride for myself, for my heart to keep beating. Yet, tonight I was told I'm not a rider.
I dont know why this hit hard, no that's a lie. I do. Because it came from a certain persons mouth. My answer to that, and to any person that has to say anything to what I love and do is fuck you. When you are doing something better than most the fucking nation, and you have nothing to prove so you don't. When you are making enough to support a family by doing that love. When you have felt the pain inside, and loved every second of it. When you have been on your bike for 5 hours, and there is still 40 more miles left in that race. Then fucking tell me I'm not a rider. When you move away from everything you know, and love. Only to be able to ride year round. Then fucking tell me I'm not a rider. Again, why am I taking this personal. Maybe because this hole in my heart is always being triggered. Why can't a person do something they love and not be at the end of a barrel of a shot gun full of negative comments. People lining up to take shots. And people in that line, are one's you love. How is one supposed to deal with that? Again I am left asking myself, am I hurt, or mad, or hell both all at the same time. Again I am left finding myself crying on my steering wheel... As Ani always easily says.
Maybe its growing up, or maybe it's priorties. i'm not hurting myself to impress some folks that I have no reason to impress. I dont ride to show off my shit, I ride for myself, for my heart to keep beating. Yet, tonight I was told I'm not a rider.
I dont know why this hit hard, no that's a lie. I do. Because it came from a certain persons mouth. My answer to that, and to any person that has to say anything to what I love and do is fuck you. When you are doing something better than most the fucking nation, and you have nothing to prove so you don't. When you are making enough to support a family by doing that love. When you have felt the pain inside, and loved every second of it. When you have been on your bike for 5 hours, and there is still 40 more miles left in that race. Then fucking tell me I'm not a rider. When you move away from everything you know, and love. Only to be able to ride year round. Then fucking tell me I'm not a rider. Again, why am I taking this personal. Maybe because this hole in my heart is always being triggered. Why can't a person do something they love and not be at the end of a barrel of a shot gun full of negative comments. People lining up to take shots. And people in that line, are one's you love. How is one supposed to deal with that? Again I am left asking myself, am I hurt, or mad, or hell both all at the same time. Again I am left finding myself crying on my steering wheel... As Ani always easily says.
