Repost :: A follow up on my post from a couple days back about my birthday.
I’ve recieved many calls, emails, & IM’s about my post on how I hate the week of my birthday and how I wish I could skip it and just magically be a year older with out actually going through with the whole date of my birthday.
I know that I have the choice to make myself happy or sad. Or to make it a good day or a bad one.
I also know that no matter how hard I try until I get past the memories that past birthdays have brought, it won’t be a happy/good day. It will simply be a day, almost like an anniversary…. one that simply brings back feelings that I would like to put behind me. It’s almost like one of those songs that randomly gets played, the reminds you of an ex, or a good time that will never be again.
I know this doesn’t make much sense to most people. I would apologize for that, but right now I just need a way to vent about the issue. Yes I could throw a raging party next weekend, get intoxicated and have a grand time. Do I want to? No. Instead of my birthday being the one day a year that I can do anything I want, within reason, to enjoy myself. I want it to be the one day, atleast this year, that I am sad and do alot of inner-thinking. About what has happened in the past 10 years. (I say 10 because before then I really either a. can’t recall or b. claim I had no authority over myself or what I did.) Also, where I want to be in 10 years.. what needs to be changed… I’ve always felt like it needs to be the one day of true self reflection. Yes that means it is a day that I will be sad… but with every sadness there is a better happiness that follows. Just like with every bad there is a better good. It’s how life is… it’s why people aren’t committing suicide in the billions.
Ok enough of my tangents. I just want everyone to know that I will be fine. Sure I may not want to be around anyone, and I will probably take Evans advice and get lost on a bike somewhere… but I won’t be worse for wear. I will end up being a better person. I feel like birthdays are this chance you get once a year to be reborn… and with birth there is always pain. I have fallen off the tracks a bit and want to get back on them… so I’m going to take that day/weekend to “find myself.
Maybe a little bit too sentimental for some, or a little bit too gushy for others. But DEAL.