Arsbars.com

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!!

Now that all the formalities are out of the way, yet again the Holidays have come by. They have always seemed to bring blast from the past. Brings folks outta the wood work as my family has always said.

Ohwell. Here’s the the HOLIDAYS!

Holiday season is on us, and almost gone also. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Wow. Yesterday was bascially Thanksgiving it feels like. Craziness I tell you!

This afternoon I am driving to PA to spend time with J. Tomorrow I’m coming back and hopefully helping Ali decorate her tree, if not I’m spending one on one time with my mom because everyone else is going to Ohio for Xmas and she’s going to be all alone!

Sunday night- J and I are going to see Rent in Baltimore. I think that will be the best christmas gift by far this year. I love Rent, and to see it with my girlfriend is going to be awesome.

As I stated in the first post of the day (I was at work btw) Arsbars was down for about 24 hours. I was tempted to take it down completely from the public.

My website, if it’s Arsbars.com or Crashingmonkies or whatever website I have had over the years… it’s always been my place to vent. The place that is with me where ever I am in the world that I can put my views out. I try to refrain from causing too many problems with others. Refraining from putting too much out in the open.

I say all this, but it is my site. I am not out to hurt anyone, but this is for my views… and I refuse to refrain any longer.

For you who choose to judge me after reading my thoughts, and for those that are so weak inside to come onto my site and to down me Anonymously….. fuck you.

I will leave it at that… http://arsbars.com/2004_12_01_archivemain.htm#110364693168144460

For about 24 hours I took down the main page from here… for reasons well we wont talk about….

Post more about all this later

Oh the joys of Apartment hunting.

I’m trying not to be a stressball over all this. BUT moving is a big deal and I don’t want to downplay it. I also don’t want to live in a shit hole when I move. So I am apartment shopping, 5 hours away from my destination. It blows, but it needs to be done. Good thing I don’t have a busy schedule the next two weeks. Just work, and seeing the gf. Oh yeh, the holidays. HA!

Fuck the holidays this year. I don’t mean this in a bad or mean way. I just mean well yes FUCK them. Everyone that I love so dear is not getting anything until after I move. I mean this with every ounce of love. BUT I need to be saving, and well dealing with moving. I promise the wait will be worth it, I just have to settle everything first before my holiday season is offically here. So if this means that christmas comes in the end of January, please deal with it. For me??

On that note the holiday season should be interesting. Stressful as always, and maybe a bit more… but interesting. I’m seeing Jeannie Thursday/Friday. Hanging out with my mom for Christmas.. and then Jeannie is taking me to see RENT!! on Sunday. All these things are making me very happy, even with the stress blinders I have put on.

Back to apartment shopping. Craiglist.org is the best thing in the world btw.

Important things I should say..

I GOT THE JOB IN BOSTON.

I just woke up and it’s 4:30pm (I went to bed at 6:30am)

I’m hungry!

I am going back into my room.. to either sleep or read. OR hopefully talk to my girlfriend

Still no word about Boston… making me nervous, anxious, and well sick at my tummy..

I’m the most impatient person in the world, and I hate not knowing what’s next in my life. What my “future” is isn’t what it maybe in a month.

Freaking myself out.

When Things Go Bad… They are BAD

I love my gf. Yes, if you know me at all you know how much I would give up for her, and how strongly I feel for her. We basically never fight, which is a breath of fresh air compared to my last relationship. She makes me smile non-stop when I’m 3 hours from her. She writes me everyday emails that make me laugh and cry all at the same time, daily.

She’s what I’ve always wanted.

Now, saying all that. It may be because I know our love is it, that in the end, if the end is in a year, or in 15, she is what I want, and where I will end up. I never fully understood how people could say that until I met her. That you don’t need to worry about the day to day worries that come with a relationship, because this is it.

Maybe because this is it that I’m thinking about this thought. The thought of if Boston becomes reality, I will need to take a break. A break from the gf, a break from friends, and a break from everything that isn’t work. Well to put it simply I am preparing myself, because I will simply become a raging workaholic. I’m ok with all this. I don’t know why. It’s not bothering me terribly, it bothers me to think of not having a partner in crime, or endless emails during the day from her. The thought isn’t digging a hole in my heart, which is odd. Maybe our love is stronger than that, kind of a sort of brick wall to block out all the other pains. Who knows.

Maybe this is me simply building walls because I know this is it, and me making excuses for all the walls. Either way I know it will suck.