Rutted

Knowing me for any extent of time you know that I hit ruts. Mentally, physically and emotionally. They always seem to happen either in the month of November, or the month of May. For years it has been so.

Some folks would check it up for the weather, or that something is different in the air. I know it is me and what is ticking inside my head. Almost as if I have a mental clock that needs rewound every May and November.

I'm far from perfect and I know I have hurt many folks in my wake of resetting my clock. Multiple jobs that I left in a haste or friends that I simply fell off the earth with. I apologize for all this and I hope in the end they know it wasn't my plan. Going into any new situation I have hopes and thoughts that things will work out the right way in that situation. Very rarely do they pan out correctly and thus I fall off the earth. Moving or quitting.

In my heart I truely am not a bad person. I may make bad choices for my future, or have a commitement issue but I still hold all the people in my mind that I fell through with. There are folks in DC, in South Carolina, Boston and random places all over Maryland.

All these things bounce all about my head and make me a bitter person lately. To see where I have been and now where I have ended up makes for a sad Arleigh. I'm not saying I am not happy now. I have many good things going for me in life. I'm also not asking for a pity party. I simply want to straighten things out in my mind. For an example: I have become a moody cranky mechanic at work. Though there are many factors going into that which I can not control. I can control my mood and my direct enviroment. Even if that means going to a "Leadership Meeting" on Wednesday morning and hating every minute of it.

A random list :

  1. People will let you down.
  2. You will let people down.
  3. Drinking with friends can ruin relationships.
  4. Drinking with friends can sometimes strengthen relationships.
  5. A dog is a girls best friend.
  6. Wind is not.
  7. May is not coming soon enough.
  8. My writing on these blogs have begun to suck.
  9. Must get back on the bike (even if it is on the trainer.)
  10. Irish car bombs with plastic dixie cups for shots should not get near me.
  11. The holidays are coming.
  12. Happiness is a figment & what you do with that figment is solely up to you.
  13. Go ride. or in my case go sleep.