My life hasn’t been one of hardships, even thought I have done much in my short lived life so far. I grew up, <12 years old, north of Baltimore, MD in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mother, Sabrina, and mother’s mother, Gina. Most of my life I went to a small catholic school, and went to mass every Sunday.
Unfortunately, I have selective memory and my childhood was one that I only remember tidbits from. I can tell you exactly how our apartment was laid out, what the large hill off our porch felt like when riding my bike or sled down, but I can’t tell you many other child hood memories. Woah, that made it sound like I had a horrid childhood, which I did not. I played sports, and rode horses most of my young life. I cleaned stalls to afford my riding lessons and knew a horse’s body better than my own by the time I was 9. Certain memories of those hobbies are ingrained for life in my head, but that’s for another time.
One memory that I’ll never be able to shake from my head was that my mom was always working
She worked full time at a university and then part time either coaching, a local department store or I think (in a grey memory) FedEx. Even as I grew, the way she spent time with me for the most part was coaching whatever sport I was playing at the time. The rest of my memories involve my grandmother carting me to horse riding lessons or school.
I’m sure none of this is making sense, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am my mother’s daughter. Since I moved out at 18 I think we have grown closer, we don’t talk as much as I would like, nor do we talk about mother/daughter types of things, but we talk weekly and I understand now where she was my whole childhood – making ends meet.
You see, when I was very young my grandmother had breast cancer and was in and out of the hospital as long as I can remember. My mom had to work, to make everything else stay a float. Looking back we didn’t go on many “vacations” like kids do these days unless it involved visiting a relative. My summers included spending most of the time at the pool, or riding my bike. I didn’t go to Disney World until I was 15 and that was probably my second time on a plane as well. Even to date, I’ve never been on a cruise or a tropical island.
My life hasn’t been hard, I’ve worked for what I’ve received and I can say I enjoy things more due to how I was raised. I didn’t get away with anything in my house, nor did I try to push my limits due to my grandmother being sick and mother working. I have a high work ethic due to my mom, and give my job and career everything I have. A vacation to me is sitting down with my feet up, or going for a hike. Traveling a long distance for this (with limited amount of time) is a waste of money in my mind, and a mute point in my household as my girlfriend feels the opposite about tropical islands.
I would say I’m frugal, but trendy. If I’m going to spend my money, its on something nice that will last, not something temporary. We never ate out, I think I ate oatmeal or Cheerios every morning of my life. I have no idea how to cook and can’t bring up a memory of my mom cooking before I was 14.
I never had those hard talks with my mom, simply because I learned somehow from what she did in life. There never needed to be a “sex” talk, as without her even saying a word I knew my birth was an accident.
I am my mother’s daughter
Not because I followed in her footsteps but she has been an amazing role model without trying to be. To date she is there for me when I need, even without asking as she has the sixth sense. She makes me proud in the things she does and says in everyday life. In some odd way I’ve felt I’ve gone through life with her on my shoulder, not weighing me down but instead whispering to believe in myself even when times are hard or life is down.
